Debauchery and Questionable Activity; Portland, OR

0100 Hours, Location: HQ


Our operatives have been working night and day to uncover possible terrorist activities all over our great country. Recently many discoveries have been made in the Pacific Northwest region. In Portland, Oregon our undercover operative, Agent 01030-35/ code name Vegan Commando, located activity on almost every block. From "vegan haircuts" to "vegan bakeries" these enterprises are destroying the ways of America today. This means that from doughnuts to strip clubs, none of these businesses are offering animal products, chemical products, or supporting our corporations. These freedom haters are accomplishing trade that is "sustainable" and completely un-American.

01030-35's first stop was a grocery, a vegan grocery, called Food Fight! This business supports a "cruelty-free lifestyle" which involves a much healthier diet, where every ingredient is listed and understood. These lawless guerillas fight tirelessly against American culture, and now we understand how they are able to accomplish this. Their secret weapon seems to be stocking healthier products that involve nutrients which are more compatible with the human body, therefore offering more energy and efficiency to the vegan. Whereas we have spent decades suggesting substances that keep the American populace overweight, listless, and weak, Food Fight! offers the tools for sustainable living, free-thinking, and the stamina to question (and discuss) political debates as well as other current events. If this behavior was to spread through the masses, the consequences are unthinkable.

The extremely disturbing findings of 01030-35's report included the selling of vast product substitutes, and varieties of many different ethnic dishes and ingredients. It is near impossible for a creative being/lover of food to exhaust their options. This means there is no end in sight for the possibilities of already established recipes to be translated into this new form, or for new recipes to be created.

The Food Fight! employees seem friendly, but be aware. If they are themselves vegan, they might sense you are a meat-eater and turn to desperate and drastic measures. Although he did not make a purchase, our operative was bombarded with free literature from pamphlets pertaining to vegan living, recipes on how to create your own vegan meals in any ordinary kitchen , and local events where vegans are invited to get together, communicate, and express their ideas. They also make available many other types of propaganda such as pins, "t" shirts, and stickers, apparently badges shown publicly so vegans can recognize each other. Some might consider these materials advertising for their business, but we here at T.W.A.T. know otherwise.



Informal Notes: Vegan Commando later returned to purchase some items for evidence. Most of the items were recorded and filed, but we were compelled to sample the vegan marshmallows. After testing safe at the lab, some of the agents (bearing gloves and eye wear) lifted the substance with sterilized tweezers and examined the marshmallow substitute, and proclaimed they tasted similar to the original. This was not included in the official communique.

Emblems of Hate

The typical vegan understands how to read logos of living "cruelty-free". These images can sometimes be neglected by the average American citizen, but people who choose this underground lifestyle fully know how to read these marks. Please be aware of any of these symbols on your children, or in your neighborhood. A vegan may be lurking.



Our first image may appear to be blatantly clear, given the word vegan in the middle, but the circle and flower are used to throw off the average American, and to give a sense of nature. As we all know, God put us on this earth to destroy everything we can get our hands on, and those who love the earth are those who know they are denied entrance to heaven. Beware of those who tell you otherwise, or call the Environmental Activity Team's toll-free number (999) EAT-TWAT.





Our next logo is the underhanded mark of vegan products, that usually come from vegan-owned companies. The products carrying this innocent-looking bunny do not contain animal products, or have been tested on animals. Although we know that animal products can harm people, and many of the general public are allergic to some animal products, it is still not a good idea to use products that make sense. This is America. Also, although animal testing is archaic and often produces inadequate and faulty data, our current leaders remain certain that torturing millions of animals per year for no real reason, makes sense and in this country, we abide by the laws. Anyone caught challenging or trying to adjust these laws will be imprisoned under terrorist charges.




Our last symbol of persuasion of the vegan clandestine group is the "certified vegan" stamp. Our task force is currently researching exactly how a product is "certified" vegan, and we suggest these products should not be touched without the person wearing protective layers such as gloves and eye-wear. We do know that these products will not contain animal products, were not tested on animals, and are probably manufactured the closest possible way to what we naturally should be wearing and eating, and usually are not distributed by global corporations. Handle with caution.

Terrorist Watch and Action Task Force (T.W.A.T.)

Welcome to the official site for the Terrorist Watch and Action Task Force (T.W.A.T.). This is a new branch that is responsible for monitoring terrorist activity in America. As a sect of Operation Cling To Freedom, we mitigate everyday threats onto good, hard-working Americans by Eco-Terrorists and other Anti-American Establishment clandestine groups, such as vegans, animal rights activists, free-thinking individuals, and broad-minded groups in general.

These anarchic degenerates seek to corrupt accustomed American living with their healthier eating habits, cruelty-free living, and hope for a "better world". These theories are implemented by such acts as abandoning conventional American culture for a life of "sustainability", liberating defenseless animals, demonstrating in public, parading down the streets in view of children with signs and megaphones for support for said defenseless animals, clearly breaking the noise pollution laws, and refusing to support American-owned global corporations, the backbone of this country.

Clearly these threats are authentic and obviously dangerous. There could be a possible terrorist vegan lecturing about a meat-free diet in your children's school. Every day dozens of departments and agencies work with their industry partners to help derail and arrest these malevolent, provocative alarmists.

Many people wonder how exactly we target in on animal-loving and liberating terrorists. The answer is the same as any other criminal ring, they leave a trail. People who try to liberate animals, or protest against those who torture or kill animals for industry/fun/sport, usually do not engage in using or eating animal products in their personal lives. These individuals believe they can live a "normal" life, and be as happy as you and I, without oppressing or abusing animals- that is how delusional they are. We here at T.W.A.T. accumulate countless man hours tracking, researching, and recording "vegan" activity.

Unfortunately, we have not yet secured international land as a detention center for these attackers, so many of them might be walking around in your town. This site allows you, the reader, to help bring to light these enemies of our culture, and to do your part in protecting your children's' future, by assisting in our pursuit to eradicate these terrorists.